Controlling spouses will turn into controlling ex-spouses, so stay strong and do not buy into their manipulation anymore, this is no doubt a factor in why you divorced them in the first place.ģ.
So be firm, be fair, and remind your self that even if connected still by children, your Ex is no longer a part of your life, you no longer have to listen to them, cater to them, indulge or engage in arguments or discussions with them. To engage, back down or compromise, only gives your Ex the message that you will still be controlled by them, after your divorce and this will be an on going nightmare for you to deal with. In extreme cases this won't and at that point all you can do is very clearly stick to the MSA, disengage from all other rhetoric your Ex may direct at you, and live your life the way you see fit.
DIVORCED BUT STILL IN LOVE FREE
In this case, a very precise conversation where you spell out to the Ex, that you are following the terms, visitation set out by the MSA and that your free time without your children is yours, and yours alone, may help.
They may try and micro manage your free time from afar by giving you instructions, chores to do for your children, that they know will interfere with your free time and social life. This may manifest its self when they sense you have plans, dates or a new love interest, they may not pick up children or not drop them off in a timely manner, they may also, try to orchestrate ways to make you feel guilty for moving on, accuse you of caring more about dating than your children. Exes who try to sabotage and make it hard for the other to date or enter into a new relationship, are also trying to wield control over their Ex by behaving like this. In this instant, be polite, give them an exact date that items must be removed by and if this date comes and goes, feel free to box up said items and either deliver them to the Ex spouse, or Good Will will be happy to collect them also, there is no reason except for control that your home after divorce, is filled with items owed by your Ex.Ģ. More than likely your MSA will include a clause stating every item in said marital home belongs to the person living in it, (they may vary so double check). Your Ex may have also left belongings in your home, rest assure that they are on some level doing this as a way to not fully let go, of their life with you. It is not OK to feel that you have no personal private space, to go to, or feel safe that your Ex won't show up at anytime. If you can not feel comfortable with your Ex not to do this, move home, change the locks, or very worse case if they continue to do this unlawfully, get a trespassing order. The MSA (marriage settlement agreement) will very clearly give the property to one or the other of you, and the moment this is signed the spouse has no rights to show up, attempt to enter, or act in anyway shape or form that they own or have rights to said property. No personal property boundaries, very often after a divorce one or the other spouse will remain in what was the marital property, set very strict guide lines for your ex spouse, they are not to enter your home, have a key or make you feel in anyway that they will just show up there unannounced.
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